Just last night I tossed and turned in my bed, not able to go to sleep. Why?
Well, I do have trouble shutting off my mind at night. That’s part of it.
Another part is that I’m plagued with thoughts of comparison, of guilt, of that voice inside us all telling us we’re not good enough. And the hardest part to accept is that that voice is right.
I’m not good enough.
Why am I such a violent, angry, impure, cutting, arrogant, hurtful, hateful, impatient, arrogant, unfriendly, unkind, cold—the list goes on and on—person? And then there’s this person. And this person is so perfect. This person is always kind and friendly and loving to everyone. This person is a REAL Christian. This person is so far above me, I can’t even begin to imagine the divide…
Why do I act like such a holy, perfect person, but I’m really not—oh, how I’m not. There are so many people who could give you a list of every hateful word I’ve ever said, every violent thing I’ve ever done, every selfish action; to write a list of all my sins would drain every pen in the world dry of ink.
But before I got into my comparison phase, there was a prayer I would pray. All. The. Time.
“God, Your Name, not mine, be glorified.”
Interestingly, I found that Jesus said something similar: “not my will, but yours be done.”
Your name, not mine, be glorified.
Your will, not mine, be done.
And that’s when I realized. I AM a selfish, sinful, evil person. I am so tainted by sin that in all my life I will never achieve perfection, as hard as I try. I AM awful.
BUT it’s not about me.
It’s not about MY glory.
It’s not about how good I am, but about how good He is.
In all my life, I’m going to have to be imperfect. So people will look down and see that I am not good. I am no better than anyone else. No better than the worst person in the world; even, the worst person in the world.
But it’s not about how perfect I am.
It’s not about my glory.
It’s about His glory.